MOVIE REVIEW – ‘ULTRAVIOLET’

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Good God Almighty, I wasn’t going to comment on this, but it just won’t leave me alone so I need to say something to expunge this filth from my soul: Utraviolet is a festering pool of greasy, watery, sickly old cat diarreah. There. Now I feel better.

Seriously folks, this is one of the worst films ever made, period. Ultraviolet makes Resident Evil 2 look like the fucking Empire Strikes Back. Yes, it is that God-awful. And I don’t say that lightly because, beleive me, I’ve sat through some steaming piles of shit in my day. Alone in the Dark, anyone? Ugh…it is truly abysimal. Yes, Milla Jovovich is really sexy with that betty page wig and the tight spandex outfits, but beyond that, this cinematic abortion has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Zero. The CGI backgrounds/cityscapes look like they were created with a Nintendo 64, the dialogue sounds like it was pulled from the pages of a comic book written by a third-grader at recess, and the acting is so wooden that I thought I was sitting in the fucking lumber aisle at Home Depot.

This movie is horrifyingly wretched. Stay away…far, far away. You have been warned.

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Jeff Carter

Jeff is the defining voice of his generation. Sadly, that generation exists only in an alternate dimension where George Lucas became supreme overlord of the Earth in 1979 and replaced every television broadcast and theatrical film on the planet with Star Wars and Godzilla movies. In this dimension, he’s just a guy from New England who likes writing snarky things about superheroes, monsters, and robots.