THE TRAILER FOR ‘HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS’ IS…OH DEAR GOD
Ladies and gentlemen, the following trailer is not a parody. This is an actual preview cut from an actual film that is going to be released in January, 2013. May God have mercy on our souls.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters was shot in 2010 by director Tommy Wirkola, who made the so-so horror flick Dead Snow, about Nazi zombies in a snowy mountain setting. All sorts of production issues delayed its release (it was supposed to come out last year), and now MGM is finally dumping it in the January movie graveyard in a last-ditch attempt to capitalize on Jeremy Renner’s current Avengers/Mission Impossible/Bourne stardom.
This film looks SPECTACULARLY bad. Its imagery and design conjures up terrible memories of Van Helsing, only with half the production values. It looks like a film that aspires to be in the same league as third-rate action shlockfests like the Underworld franchise, The Resident Evil films, Ultraviolet, and even Uwe Boll turdbombs like Alone in the Dark or In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Everything about this trailer is is typical pandering and generic “this isn’t your Momma’s fairy tale!” nonsense — from its stock shots of leather-clad, scowling heroes brandishing modified crossbows, to its groan-inducing techno-rock soundtrack. They should’ve thrown this piece of shit into the oven along with the witch.