OH MY CROM, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER IS CONAN AGAIN

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98-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger (okay, he’s only 65) will once again don a sword and loincloth to play Robert E, Howard’s classic character Conan the Barbarian, according to a Deadline report. The new film will be called The Legend of Conan, and according to producer/writer Chris Morgan, it will be about an older (obviously) King Conan at the end of his days, and will completely ignore the 1984 sequel Conan the Destroyer:

[quote]“The original ended with Arnold on the throne as a seasoned warrior, and this is the take of the film we will make,” Malmberg told me. “It’s that Nordic Viking mythic guy who has played the role of king, warrior, soldier and mercenary, and who has bedded more women than anyone, nearing the last cycle of his life. He knows he’ll be going to Valhalla, and wants to go out with a good battle.”

“After the original seminal movie, all that came after looked silly to me,” Morgan said. “Robert E. Howard’s mythology and some great philosophy from Nietzsche to Atilla the Hun was layered in the original film. People say, he didn’t speak for the first 20 minutes of the film, but that was calculated in depicting this man who takes control of life with his own hand. This movie picks up Conan where Arnold is now in his life, and we will be able to use the fact that he has aged in this story. I love the property of Conan so much that I wouldn’t touch it unless we came up with something worthy. We think this is a worthy successor to the original film. Think of this as Conan’s Unforgiven.”[/quote]

The Governator himself had this to say about reprising the Conan role:

[quote]“I always loved the Conan character and I’m honored to be asked to step into the role once again. I can’t wait to work with Universal and the great team of Fredrik Malmberg and Chris Morgan to develop the next step of this truly epic story.”[/quote]

Okay, things that I like about this news — the fact that the producers of this project are ignoring Destroyer. While it has its fun moments, it’s toothless and slapsticky and the tone of the first film is completely thrown out the window. I also like the idea of an older, restless King Conan seeking to go out in a blaze of glory in an epic battle. That sounds awesome, as long as the serious, violent tone is kept intact. What might not be so awesome? A 67-year-old recovering heart attack patient with leathery, saggy man boobs lumbering around trying to hack at bad CGI monsters. Yeesh.

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Jeff Carter

Jeff is the defining voice of his generation. Sadly, that generation exists only in an alternate dimension where George Lucas became supreme overlord of the Earth in 1979 and replaced every television broadcast and theatrical film on the planet with Star Wars and Godzilla movies. In this dimension, he’s just a guy from New England who likes writing snarky things about superheroes, monsters, and robots.

  • Tim Shields

    The Phoenix on the Sword!!!!

  • Haaaaa!!!!! I’d see that for a Dollar!!!!!:)