Emperor Palpatine Launches Attack Ad Condemning May 4th – AKA National STAR WARS Day

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Rebel scum, attempting to indoctrinate the youth of the galaxy with their terrorist ideologies! Their lies and insolent attempts at subversion and insurrection should be condemned, not celebrated – especially when it comes to May 4th, their special “May The Fourth Be With You” day honoring the Force and vile actions of the Rebel Alliance. How many government officials and employees lost their lives when those radicals destroyed our shining, modern, state-of-the-art Imperial facility? May the Fourth is shameful; that’s why the Emperor commissioned this informative and educational message warning against the dangers of associating with these criminals and would-be usurpers. Long live the Empire!

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Jeff Carter

Jeff is the defining voice of his generation. Sadly, that generation exists only in an alternate dimension where George Lucas became supreme overlord of the Earth in 1979 and replaced every television broadcast and theatrical film on the planet with Star Wars and Godzilla movies. In this dimension, he’s just a guy from New England who likes writing snarky things about superheroes, monsters, and robots.