When Glinda first meets Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (at least in the 1939 MGM musical version), she asks the lost little girl from Kansas, if she is a good witch or a bad witch. After telling Dorothy that she is a witch, the naive farm girl exclaims that witches are all old and ugly. At this point, Glinda laughs and says that only bad witches are ugly. Now putting aside the fact that Glinda just kind of called Dorothy not so attractive (she couldn’t tell if Dorothy were a good witch or a bad witch? Really?) the reason I am even bringing this conversation up is because we are here today to check out all the good witches; aka the sexy witches. Granted, several on this list are far from good witches, but they are still pretty hot. Guess you were wrong there Glinda baby. But don’t worry, you still might make the list after all. Anyway, without further ado, I give you my countdown for the ten hottest witches. Any witches not on the list (Cassandra Peterson’s Elvira, Emma Watson’s Hermione, the ladies from Charmed and/or The Craft), I’m sorry but I guess you just weren’t quite hot enough. So there! And I never have gotten what all the hubbub over Melissa Joan Hart was about either.
And awaaaaaaay we go…
Everyone is always talking about how hot Oscar winner Helen Mirren is these days. My god, they say, and she’s in her sixties even. The inherent ageism in such a statement aside, Helen Mirren is a very attractive woman, for any age – and that was no different in her early thirties, when she played that evil bitch from Arthurian legend, Morgan le Fay, or just Morgana, in the 1981 film, Excalibur. Okay, technically, Morgana is more a sorceress than a witch, but the two are somewhat interchangeable, and anyway, she wears form fitting armour and lots of fishnet, so into the list she goes.
9.) Gillian Holroyd
In the same year that the sexy Stepford Wife-esque Kim Novak played the haunting Madeleine in Hitchcock’s masterpiece, Vertigo (one of several Hitchcock masterpieces, to give credit where credit is due) she played one of the ten hottest witches as well. The film was Bell, Book and Candle, and was about a flighty witch who puts a love spell on a neighbour, only to actually fall in love with him herself, which will negate her status as a witch. Co-starring Jimmy Stewart as her love interest, Novak plays Gillian the witch in that kittenish way she played pretty much every part. Yeah, perhaps Novak wasn’t the deepest of actors, but damn, could she put a spell on you. See what I did there? Yup.
Okay, so perhaps this evil bitch is more a fairy than a witch, but who says ya can’t be both. Now when I am talking Maleficent here, I am not necessarily talking the original French fairy godmother, nor the Disney version from their classic Sleeping Beauty (though she was kinda hot, or is that just me?), but instead, talking about the newest incarnation. The Angelina Jolie version from the upcoming live action film. Again, perhaps it is just me, but Angelina has never looked more smokin’ hot than she does as the very personification of evil, Maleficent.
Sure, Billie Burke’s performance in the 1939 classic, had a cute, magical quality to it (and I would exactly kick her out of bed for eating crackers), and no one can ever fault Wicked‘s Kristen Chenoweth for anything (with pipes like hers, she can’t be anything but sexy), but once you cast Michelle Williams in the role of the Good Witch of the North, then you got yourself one hell of a hot witch. Sure, Oz the Great and Powerful may have also had Rachel Weisz and Mila Kunis as fellow witches, and both very hot (well, until one of them changes into her green-skinned haggy true self), but even they can’t top Michelle Williams in the role of Glinda. Now there’s a witch for whom I would travel through scary forests any day.
6.) Bellatrix Lestrange
If you are looking for hotness mixed with an otherworldly appeal, then you can never go wrong with Miss Helena Bonham-Carter. In fact I would say that she is your go-to gal for strangely sexy. I know that sounds like it’s a bit of a backhanded compliment, but considering that I find the strange very sexy, it is a bona fide A-1 compliment in my book. Bonham-Carter has played many of these strangely sexy heroines (or anti-heroines, if you insist) in many movies past (is it just me or is she beyond smokin’ hot in Sweeney Todd!?), and even though I am not all that much of a Harry Potter fan, I must admit that her Bellatrix Lestrange is one smokin’ hot batshitcrazy witch.
5.) Angelique Bouchard
Come on people! Any list that involves the hottest anything, has got to involve Eva Green. Sure, she starred as a witch in The Golden Compass, but that was nothing when compared to her role as the diabolical Angelique Bouchard in Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows, and for this ultra sexy witchy turn, this French actress deserves definite recognition on the list. Because when we watch her try to woo and kill Johnny Depp as the evil-minded bad girl Angelique Bouchard, she is hot hot hot. Now that I think about it, her witch-like character in this year’s 300: Rise of an Empire, is pretty freakin’ hot as well.
4.) Willow Rosenberg
Alyson Hannigan has always been cute as a freakin’ button, from Buffy to How I Met Your Mother, but as far as witches go, she is easily one of the sexiest. Granted, it probably helps that her Willow is a lesbian. I’m not gonna lie to you, that is a big factor with most of we males of the species. I also must say, I tend to like the dark Willow over the sweeter red-headed girl next door Willow. Again, maybe that’s just me. Either way, this vampire slaying witch gets into the top half of the list, and that ain’t too shabby.
3.) Sukie Ridgemont
I think the picture above pretty much says it all. Starting out as a mousy, dissatisfied New England writer, Michelle Pfeiffer’s wouldbe witch of Eastwick is seduced and transformed by Jack Nicholson, into a sultry, Earthen witch, with a sensual bent that would annihilate any mere mortal man. But hey, what a way to go, huh? Yeah, the film was fun, and all three witches, Susan Sarandon and Cher making up the trio with Ms. Pfeiffer, had their particular things, but it is Michelle’s sultry Sukie who steals the veritable show.
Waaaay back in 1942, a French ex-pat filmmaker by the name of Rene Clair, found himself in Hollywood, USA, and making a film called I Married A Witch. As far as classic films go, this was one of the better ones, and an important part of what made the film so great was Veronica Lake as the titular witch to whom co-star Fredric March marries. Lake was best known for her roles in many of the great film noirs of the time, and she was sexy as hell in each and every one of ’em, but it was as Jennifer, the centuries old witch who puts a spell on March, who is one of the hottest witches in film history. Oh, and this movie was also the number one influence on the makers of the 1960’s-70’s sit-com, Bewitched. And speaking of Bewitched…
1.) Samantha Stephens
Maybe it’s because I grew up with Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha Stephens (not during the original run of Bewitched, which ended when I was just four, but rather in syndication in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s), or maybe it’s because she was one of my first preteen and early teen crushes (Susan Dey as Laurie Partridge, Valerie Bertinelli as Barbara Cooper, Jan Smithers as Baily Quarters, and Pamela Sue Martin as Nancy Drew were some of the others) or maybe it’s simply because she is the hottest witch ever. Yup. All those reasons are good. Whether playing the clean cut cute-as-a-button Samantha or her trouble-making, hot-to-trot cousin, Sabrina. Yeah, Nicole Kidman would later play the character in a really bad movie version, but the original is still the best. I never really understood why her mortal hubby, Darrin, didn’t want her to use her magic. If my wife were a witch, I’d be making her use her powers all the freakin’ time. That guy was a freakin’ idiot – no matter which Dick happened to be playing him at the time. Anyway, like I was saying before I wondered off on yet another wild tangent, Samantha Stevens is the hottest witch of ’em all. So there.
That’s it gang. See ya ’round the web.