“The theater represents one of the most distinctive, technically and structurally advanced private theaters in the United States. The client insisted upon a unique and specific set of criteria including extremely high volume levels within a tasteful and highly-detailed Star Trek-themed architecture. Other technical assemblies unique to residential environments include motorized sliding doors, intelligent concert-type lighting and related DMX512 controls, and commercial-level HVAC, all coexisting seamlessly and reliably for a typical homeowner.” — ECS, the theater manufacturer.

After I wrote my review for Man of Steel, the rest of the world got a chance to see the movie and reaction has been… mixed. Some, like me, are crazy about the movie. Others can’t believe they’re actually calling that guy in the tights “Superman.” This is mostly due to the ending of the film, so let’s talk about it. MASSIVE SPOILERS below. Turn back now if you haven’t seen the movie, I mean it.

Ready?

Okay, first of all, I’m taking a lot of my thoughts here from a comment I left on Jeff’s Man of Steel review. There’s no question that the moment when Superman snaps Zod’s neck is a shocking one. It was a jarring moment and my reaction to it initially was the same as many others–Superman WOULD NOT do that!

But, actually, he would. Man of Steel tries to present to us a real world that Superman can exist in. A Superman who exists in that world–not a four color one where a writer’s imagination trumps all evil in a way that would make Pollyanna scream with joy and vindication–would do what he did. If he hadn’t, the movie would have betrayed its premise. I believe that that Superman will do everything in his power to not kill, but I think it’s absolutely correct and even righteous that he will kill if he has to. It’s extremely righteous.

Let me be clear about something: killing is evil, but the act of killing is not always evil. “Superheroes don’t kill” is an old trope and a comforting one (I make a big deal out of it in SuperFogeys more than once), but it absolutely does not carry over to anything resembling the real world. Killing, in defense of others and freedom, is not wrong and is often, sadly, necessary. Zod’s life was not more valuable than that family and all the people of Metropolis. Superman didn’t have a choice because the alternative–letting Zod do his thing–was the greater evil.

A lot of people are saying the brutal killing of Zod does not allow the movie to end triumphantly and that instead there’s a darkness that hangs over it. I don’t see it that way. Not at all. I think this may come down to individual preference and perspective, but I simply don’t understand light without the dark.

Superman’s killing of Zod is my favorite moment of the movie. Not because of what he does, but because of how he reacts. Instantly, he mourns. And it’s a mourning with a mixture of what he had to do–kill–and that fact that he had to kill Zod, leaving Superman all alone. The whole movie was about Clark wanting to find out about his heritage. And then he destroys that heritage.

Where is the triumph in that? For me, it’s in the why he did it. He made that sacrifice for us–for the people of Earth. That’s what makes him a hero. He absolutely did not want to do it, but he did it anyway. He’s a Christ figure, like it or not. Christ sacrificed himself on the cross in order to triumph over death for the rest of us. In the movie, Superman sacrificed much so that the people of Earth might live. No matter how dark the act, that, to me, is incredibly triumphant. Self-sacrifice for the greater good. Earth lives. Everybody gets to go home.

Now, I hope we see more of the consequence of the act. Superman should only ever take a measure so extreme when there’s no other choice (the writers of the comic understand this–he’s killed four beings in the course of his history), but it should shake him pretty terribly. Man of Steel showed us this in brief, but I think there’s room in a sequel for him to deal with this a little more. I hope he does, but, ultimately, he should feel good about what he did.

Because he did the right thing.

Strange marketing decisions - including trailers full of somber music and a brooding, bearded Clark Kent – gave off a vibe of a film made by people who didn’t get what makes Superman super. It was as if someone watched The Dark Knight, looked at some box office receipts, and said “Do that to Superman!”

Despite my deep misgivings and a lot of time spent trolling GLA leader Jeff Carter about fishing, I decided to give the movie a chance. I legitimately wanted a great Superman movie, and as films like Prometheus and X3: The Last Stand have taught us, a great trailer does not translate into a great movie. Director Zack Snyder also directed 300, one of my top ten movies of all time, so he deserved a fair shake. I just wish that after all these rationalizations I could report to you that I was wrong and Man of Steel is an awesome movie; unfortunately, it is not.

It’s not a glorious train wreck or even so bad it’s good in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 sort of way. It’s just a giant disappointment, a huge mess at the script level, and at its worst moments, flat out boring.

One of the movie’s most pronounced problems is that it doesn’t seem to know what kind if movie it wants to be. Is it a slow, serious character study? Is it a slam-bang, all action summer blockbuster? It never seems to commit to any one idea and the result is a muddled mess.

Opening on Krypton where stuff and things are happening because of reasons not quite ever explained, we get to Earth and move right into bearded Clark working odd jobs. He flashes back to his youth in Smallville. A lot. He flashes back so much that you start to wonder why the movie doesn’t just start with a young Clark.

Keeping with the theme of an all over the place movie, some of these flashbacks are fantastic. Clark’s x-ray vision turning on in school is very well done. Pa Kent seriously arguing that maybe he should have let all his classmates drown rather than chance being seen saving them is not.

Eventually General Zod shows up and all hell breaks loose. The movie then shifts from slow, introspective flashbacks to ALL OUT CRAZY ACTION. The fights are spectacular. The special effects are great. But, it has the emotional weight of the Transformers Trilogy. Man Of Steel never earns its “fist pump” moments. The script failing it at every turn, things like Clark donning the costume for the first time or *ahem* finishing General Zod feel as empty as the action scenes.

The Daily Planet staff and Lois Lane in particular get the short end of it all as their inclusion feels like someone crossing “Superman” things off a list. Lois does nothing for the entire movie, then is inexplicably in love with Clark. It’s the worst on-screen genre romance since Thor and Jane Foster. If I said to you that there could be a worse on-screen ”romance” than Anakin and Padme in the Star Wars Prequels, would you believe me?

Throughout the first two or so hours (and all through the marketing) the idea being pushed was “How would the world react to Superman?”. Thankfully, one army general decides he’s cool with Supes after he and two villains destroy Smallville (the only one-stoplight town with a Sears, IHOP, and 7-11 in all of the Midwest), presumably killing approximately one thousand people. That’s about as far as that goes. Seriously. That’s it.

GIANT MASSIVE SPOILERS:

It’s very hard to discuss a reaction to Man of Steel without touching on the end and the decision to kill General Zod. Keeping with the rest of the movie in terms of not earning its moments from the script, Superman snaps Zods neck. After a fist fight that obliterates nearly an entire city, after Zod activates a world engine killing thousands, after a battle wiping Smallville off the map – Zod threatens to kill a family with his heat vision. So, Supes kills him. I think they had a dog with them. It was probably the dog that sent him over the edge into completely breaking character.

In my opinion, it just goes to further the concept that the filmmakers did not “get” Superman.

Superman is an ideal we all strive for – “the big blue Boy Scout”. He doesn’t kill his villains. It’s another failure of the script to make the viewer understand why he suddenly has to become The Punisher at that moment.

And yes, you can go through 75 years of comics as find a few instances when he has killed. I can also dig through my long boxes of comics to show you when Captain America was a werewolf or Spider-Man sold his true love to Satan. The true version of Superman doesn’t kill. He doesn’t kill zillions of people in collateral damage of his battles. Even in the dark and gritty Nolan trilogy of Batman films, Batman avoids casualties and does not kill his enemies.

Faced with a moment to show his worth, Superman took the easy way out. It was just another disappointment in a film already filled with many.

END MASSIVE SPOILERS

At the end of it all, Man of Steel is a massive misfire. This isn’t the start of a DC Comics Cinematic Universe, it the start of another years long wait until someone gets a Superman film right.

2 out of 5 flashbacks

Good God, I would punt a bag of kittens off of a bridge to see this Pixar Flash Gordon movie….

I mean, it’s common knowledge that Elysium and District 9 director Neil Blompkamp was mere months away from filming a HALO feature film before Microsoft pulled the rug out from under him, so I suppose it’s not a stretch to assume that they re-purposed some completed CGI models for this amazing-looking class warfare film. Regardless if they did or not, I am in the theater day one. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, NEIL.

8 of the Worst Fathers in Pop Culture

8.) Anthony Cooper (Lost)

Anthony Cooper (if that is indeed his real name) was the father of John Locke, the tragic, self proclaimed “protector” of the island. Cooper was also a con man, and no one was conned more than his own son. Having been abandoned at birth, Locke hired a private investigator to find his biological father. At first Cooper acted happy to be reunited with his long lost son, taking him on hunting trips in which to bond. But it was just a ruse to con Locke out of giving Cooper a kidney. He later rebuffed his son’s attempts at reconciliation, faked his own death and in the ultimate dick move, pushed Locke out an eighth story window, leaving him paralyzed.

7.) Balon Greyjoy (Game of Thrones)

I know there are a number of more vile characters on GoT, but I felt Balon fit the best in this category. First off, he willingly gave up his only remaining son Theon as a hostage to Ned Stark, as penance for starting a bloody uprising.  Upon Theon’s return nine years later, instead of happily welcoming him into his arms, Balon belittles him. He questions Theon’s loyalties and chooses Theon’s sister Yara to lead their army against the north, leaving Theon to command a single ship called the Sea Bitch. Later, Theon is taken prisoner and tortured by Ramsay Snow, who cuts off Theon’s penis and sends it to Balon, as a warning to withdraw his troops from the North or Ramsay will continue sending pieces of Theon. But Balon simply ignores the warning and his son’s fate, stating that since he can no longer further the Greyjoy line, he’s basically useless. Ouch.

6.) Deathstroke The Terminator

A lot of Deathstroke’s failures as a father can be attributed to bad luck or poor judgment. First off, during an attempt to rescue his kidnapped son Joe, he gambles that he can react fast enough to save him. Although he did save Joe’s life, he was unable to prevent one of the bad guys from slashing his throat, rendering him mute. He’s inadvertently responsible for his oldest son Grant’s death by refusing a contract from HIVE to kill the Teen Titans (a contract that Grant accepts, receiving special powers from HIVE which erupt and eventually kill him). He drives a sword through Joe (now a hero known as Jericho)’s chest when Jericho is possessed by the souls of Azareth. He’s even manipulated his daughter Rose into the mercenary business, drugging her with a specially designed serum to heighten her hostility and push her over the edge. Unfortunately, the process also resulted in her being driven somewhat insane and she cut out her own eye.

5.) Dr. Evil (Austin Powers)

Poor Scott Evil. First his father proves to be the ultimate absentee dad, having been frozen for the better part of Scott’s life, then he announces disappointment in him on national television for not being evil enough (“You’re quasi- Evil”). Dr. Evil constantly mocks Scott, especially when it comes to ideas of how to kill Austin Powers. He chooses clone Mini-Me over his own son, shrugging off Scott’s concerns that Mini-Me will kill him. He has a 101 ways to make him stop talking (“Okay zip it. That was a pre-emptive “shh!” Now, I have a whole bag of “shh!” with your name on it.”) Then when Scott finally embraces his dark side and turns evil, Dr. Evil switches sides. Kid just can’t catch a break.

4.) John Winchester (Supernatural)

John actually falls into the lesser realm of bad dads, but he still pretty much sucked. When his wife Mary was killed by a demon, John was left as a single dad to young Sam and Dean. But instead of guiding and nurturing them, John took on the role of demon hunter, often leaving the young boys to fend for themselves, usually in cheap motels. He possibly used them as bait, leaving 10 year old Dean to care for 6 year old Sam so he could search for a demon that, as it turns out, was hunting the boys. He denied Sam and Dean a childhood, raising them in a militaristic style, and is particularly hard on Dean. He constantly rides Dean, frequently taking out his anger, frustration and pain on him and letting him know he’s not good enough.

When Sam decides to leave the “family business” and go off to college, John flips out, telling the younger Winchester not to come back and cuts off all contact. He’s emotionally repressed and inaccessible. At one point a character says to Sam “When my dad used to look at me, there was hate in his eyes. Do you know what that feels like?” to which Sam replies “no.” He doesn’t even bother to show up when Sam calls him and informs him that Dean is near death. And as the final slap in the face, Sam and Dean eventually discover John had another son, whom he shielded from hunting, and acted like a real father toward, teaching him poker and taking to ball games. Still, for all he did wrong, he did give up his life in order to save Dean’s.

3.) Norman Osborn (Spider-Man)

Norman Osborn was a neglectful father to son Harry, concentrating more on making his business succeed and amassing a considerable fortune. When he did pay attention to Harry, Norman was often frustrated by his failure to demonstrate academic excellence or a competitive drive. He regularly belittled Harry and inflicted severe emotional damage on him, eventually driving him to drugs. Then Norman became the Green Goblin and developed a fixation with Spider-Man; an obsession which eventually lead to his (supposed) death. Harry eventually went insane and followed in his father’s footsteps, taking on the mantle of the Green Goblin, which eventually lead to his own death.

2.) Ed Wilson (Natural Born Killers)

Ed Wilson is a scumbag, plain and simple. He’s verbally and physically abusive, and molests daughter Mallory blatantly in front of his wife. He makes no excuses for his behavior and what’s worse, is totally flippant about his acts (“I’ll show her a little tenderness, after I eat. When I get up there, she won’t see my face for an hour”). He spits when he talks, and just oozes disgust. (“So you move it upstairs and take a shower. And make sure it’s a good shower, ‘cause I’m coming up after to see how clean you are.”) His son Kevin is the result of a drunken night of sex with his wife because he thought he was in Mallory’s room. (“You mean Mallory’s my MOM?”) He threatens to kill Mallory’s boyfriend Mickey. With all he crap he put her through, it’s no wonder Mallory became a psychotic serial killer.

1.) Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Some kids think their dad is the worst dad in the world. Well, Darth Vader turned out to be the worst dad in the galaxy. He tortured his daughter Princes Leia for information, and oversaw the destruction of her adopted home planet. Sure that was bad, but he was even worse to son Luke: he cut off his hand, killed his mentor, demanded Luke join him on the Dark Side of the Force or die, tortured his best friend, then froze him in carbonite (something he intended to do to his own son). And lets not forget he nearly killed both kids in-utero by choking their mother. Clearly, Darth was not cut out for parenthood.

Having perused DC’s solicits for September, I have compiled a list of things I do and do not want to see surrounding this event.

Do Not Want: More Crappy New 52 Redesigns

I’m just going to go ahead and pick on Bizarro here. Obviously this Bizarro is dressed similarly to the casual idealistic jeans-and-t-shirt man of the people Supes from Grant Morrison’s run of Superman: Action Comics, but instead of jeans, he decided to go with… armored jeggings?

The part that really irks me though, is the wasted opportunity. Who better than Bizarro – who does the opposite of everything Superman does – to revive the whole underpants over tights look?

Want: Time Travel

New Superman adversary, H’el, will be getting his own one-shot. Regular Super-fans will recall his attempt to destroy Earth’s solar system in order to travel back in time to save Krypton. While his plan was unsuccessful, H’El did end up on Krypton years before its destruction.

Does he have a chance to save the planet? And if so, will it tear the space-time continuum a new one? Will Superman go back in time to stop H’El and then accidentally sleep with his mom becoming his own father? Time travel’s awesome! And I need my fix before the next season of Doctor Who starts.

Do Not Want: More Expensive Issues

While normally, DC titles are usually $2.99 per issue, fans can expect to pay $3.99 during villains month. Yeah, I get it, DC. For the extra dollar, I get a cool 3D motion holographic cover. How very 90s of you.

But that’s gonna add up. According to my calculations, the difference in price will equal the cost of the amount of narcotics it will take for me to think these covers are really cool.

Want: The Fall of the Justice League

I guess we know who loses the Trinity War, based on the covers for many of these books:

There’s no better advertising than a little light bondage.

Oh, I love the Justice League, but who doesn’t like to see their favorite heroes taken down a peg or two?

Do Not Want: My Other Comics on Hold

Since the regular titles will not be released September, any cliffhangers that happen in August will take two months to resolve. I can’t promise I’ll be emotionally invested in all of them by October.

Want: Stronger Rogues Galleries

Not every superhero has as strong a rogues gallery as Batman, but DC Comics is making honest efforts to change that. Hopefully September will see deeper exploration of heroes’ expanding and improving rogues galleries.

Take Aquaman. People are finally realizing he’s cool and so are his villains. Geoff Johns has spelled out the tragic blood feud between him and Black Manta, and has made his brother, Orm, a terrifying although ultimately sympathetic character. These two villains will be getting their own one-shots.

Brian Azzarello enraged Wonder Woman purists when he announced that Zeus was her father, but placing her in mythology’s most famous dysfunctional family has given her a complex supporting cast. Her oldest brother, the mysterious unnamed first son of Zeus (I didn’t remember reading about him in grade school), is getting his own one-shot. Fans of more classic DC villains will be happy to know that Cheetah, long time arch-nemesis of Wonder Woman and furry bombshell, will also be getting her own one-shot and a larger role in Forever Evil.

Do Not Want: Another Harley Quinn Flashback

Harley Quinn may have gotten one of the most cringe-worthy character makeovers in the relaunch of the DC Universe. While fans adored her the way she first appeared on Batman: The Animated Series, someone thought it would be just swell to bleach her skin like the Joker and squeeze her impossibly buxom physique into the burlesque costume of a circus midget. While I learned to get over her makeover, I had to stop reading Suicide Squad because of her shallow portrayal.

DC may yet be able to restore Harley Quinn to her former glory, but they have to do so by giving her an interesting present and future. Last time her origin was revisited in Suicide Squad #7, all I could think was how much better it was done in the classic Batman comic, Mad Love.

Also, these flashbacks remind me that she may never grace the panels in her classic unitard, because in the New 52, it never even existed.

Want: Forever Evil

I’ve been anxiously awaiting the Trinity War for over a year, but now that the ending’s been mostly spoiled through September’s solicits, I say bring on the next crossover event! Who needs a boring war between superheroes, anyway? I just finished Avengers vs. X-Men a couple of months ago – my team lost, by the way.

But a world run by supervillains? That’s what the new seven-issue mini-series, Forever Evil, is about. Not only that, but DC is going to get even more of my money by releasing three other tie-in mini-series.

Do Not Want: More Face-Time for the Joker

In Fall of 2011, someone at DC made the atrocious decision to remove the Joker’s face and send it on a series of adventures. It became a central part of a Suicide Squad arc that ended in Harley Quinn forcing her teammate, Deadshot, to wear it as a mask. A couple of months later, the Joker reclaimed it from the Gotham City Police Department. Unfortunately, he didn’t fasten it securely to his skull and it fell into the sewers and floated off to freedom…

…until this girl found it and became DC’s newest villain, the Joker’s Daughter.

What’s next, DC? Will the face get its own ongoing title where it travels the world, does some good deeds, and falls in love before ultimately returning to its rightful skull? Of course, it can’t be too fresh by now, so can you just go ahead and have the Joker skin this dandy?

Want: The Rise of Lex Luthor

It’s been a long time coming since the start of the New 52, but this September, everyone’s favorite xenophobic genius, Lex Luthor, is breaking out of prison! Readers of Supergirl know that he’s been gathering information on the outside world and telecommuting with his minions through a wireless connection in his brain – a technology my ADD-addled generation needs now! So you can bet he has plenty of maniacal plans and will be able to hit the ground running.

In fact, he’s slated to be the strong male lead of Forever Evil. Time will tell if we actually start rooting for him. Perhaps he does have some good ideas for humanity, and with Superman and the Justice League disposed, perhaps he can finally share them.